I was just reading Charles Swindoll's Insight for Today, QUIETNESS. When I started this blog - this was my main focus. To tune out the world around me - if just for the car ride into the office - and just hang out and talk to God. I am still making an effort to do this (although some mornings Jennifer and I talk on the phone - sometimes all the way to to the office) - b'cs once we hit the door at work, we are usually too busy to chat and catch up.
We took a survey in Bible Study one night. It had us rate which items we have surrendered to God, and which ones we haven't. When it came to the line for Work Life ... it really dawned on me, that most often I don't surrender my work. I consider myself a hard worker. I believe that I am good at what I do. However, I need to keep in mind that (1) God has provided me with the gifts needed to do my job; (2) God placed me in the work environment that I should be in; (3) I need to stop leaving God in the car when I walk into my office building.
The last several weeks have been harsh to say the least. I just feel plain tired. It's hard for me to tell myself, to slow down. (Slow Down by Third Day really needs to be my new motto!) That it's okay to take a break. I'm a bit of a perfectionist - and quite possibly have a slight case of OCD. I want to do everything and think I should be able to, and then get upset with myself when I fall short of my own expectations.
As of now I need to (1) FINISH Addison's bathroom -- I'm so close - I just need to walk up the stairs and finish it (2) to put up at least our skinny small trees and hang our stockings, yes, another year is going by without me putting up the big tree, much to my daughter's dismay (3) reorganize my book shelves upstairs (4) transfter our iTunes library off of the slow computer to our external hard drive (5) figure out how to hook up the xbox 360 to the TV in order to stream in netflix (6) finish my Christmas gifts for my friends and Christmas cards (7) clean my house (8) finish paying the bills (9) work some on my silent auction stuff (10) get back to exercising ... the list goes on and on.
I wake up every morning with such good intentions, playing my to do list in my head and assuring myself that today will be the day that I accomplish at least half of my list. However, by the time I drag my extremely tired and emotionally drained body home from the office, pick up Addison and head home. I have lost all ambition. My priorites become - jammies, couch, helping with homework, cooking dinner (on a good night), and working on auction letters. SIDE NOTE: Thank God that I am able to get off work at 3pm.
This has been going on for several weeks now and I am completely worn out. I am now to the point of being tired of being tired! I hope to not even leave the house tomorrow. I want to straighten up a bit, put out my small amount Christmas decorations and just relax and work on some of my Christmas gifts. (tune in later for the next blog - Advent Conspiracy).